Most of you know this, but for those of you who don't- Sayla has croup. She gave us quite a scare on Friday night. she woke up with a 103.8 fever, horrible barking cough and really labored breathing. We decided to take her to the emergency room (which is a first for us with either kid) and they gave her a breathing treatment and steroids and did an x-ray.
So, we are home with viral croup which means as long as she is coughing she is contagious. ugh.
I am going c.r.a.z.y! I have such a hard time being at home all day, with no option of leaving. The worst part about being home with sick babies is that nothing really gets done- I am here all day and at the end of the day all I did was hold kids and pick up toys. I didn't realize how much I depend on little outings and errands to break up my day. I didn't realize how much I find my contentment in doing as opposed to being. I didn't realize how much a resent being just a mom. I hope you know what I mean by that. I love my kids, I love being a mom, I love getting to stay home- but it is such a constant identity adjustment. My kids make me realize more that anything ever has how truly selfish I am.
Please hear me when I say that I know taking care of the girls is an important job (the most important one I'll ever have), but it is times like this that I truly see my heart and how discontent I can get in my life stage. These times are good reminders that my satisfaction and acceptance should come from Christ alone and how he has already fully accepted me- and not from how purposeful I think my life is, or some sort of entitlement to a place of importance.
Well- that's all. Pray for the girls. Pray that Keadryn doesn't get croup. I heard her coughing in the night and I am worried that just as Sayla gets better, she will get sick, which would mean another week of being stuck at home. Which, as I just confessed, may be good for me...but that doesn't mean I want it.
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7 comments:
Oh Jordan! Don't be so hard on yourself! You are a great Mom! Everyone has trouble when their routine - that doesn't even seem like a routine - gets messed up. I go crazy having to stay home for too long too - an our kids are big! On a side note - sorry about Sayla getting the croup. Sean has been prone to it for years, and in fact had it earlier this year. I still can hear that cough and just know. It used to bolt me out of bed as soon as I heard it! I think we made 4-5 trips to the ER with him, and in between it was taking him outside in the cool air, or steaming him up in the bathroom! So - hopefully it does not happen that way to Sayla. And hang in there - you will make it! I'm thinking about you! Love you!
Funny thing..I finished reading your blog and sighed "oh, Jordan!" and when I went to make a comment, there is was already by chrissy
I guess those of us who have stayed home with young kiddos know EXACTLY what you mean....feeling couped up, wondering if I will ever have another job not to mention an adult conversation anytime soon. You are just being honest....it's hard (especially when it comes time for mingling at a party).
Hopefully, the girls will be feeling better soon so that a trip, ANYWHERE, is in the near future. I love you, sweetheart. You are in my prayers (as well as Sayla and Kead). Love, mom
I hope she starts feeling better soon!
I just wanted to let you know it's refreshing to hear the honest side of being a mama instead of just the "oh it's so amazing and wonderful all the time" schpeel. Obviously it is wonderful, but I really appreciate the candidness of my friends who really tell it like it is...the good times and the hard ones! Thanks, love!
i totally, totally hear you & get where you're coming from. praying for you all & especially little sayla.
Jordan thanks for putting into words, very accurately and honestly what I have felt/feel on a very regular basis. I've never really been able to express it, especially in written word but the line about finding contentment in doing and not just being is right on. I've struggled with this for a LONG time but noticed it so much more when I became a mother. Somehow it is so much easier knowing someone else is feeling the same way and making it through!
Girl, do I know how you feel or what. I love my work and those breaks give me a break. So, the days when Bella is home sick and if Mike is sick too I feel the same way! Thanks for the honesty.
jordan you are such an amazing mom. i know what you mean, its so hard when i want to do things other than just BE with my kids. i want BEING with my kids to be my fav thing and sometimes i just want to do what I want to do. it is so humbling and sad that i get antsy when i dont have my alone time and i gripe to jeff about it and its just difficult. you are such an encouraging and creative and fun mom. i know its hard when you are stuck at home but i know you are teaching all of us and reminding us whats important! thank you for that!! hope yall are doing so much better!!
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